Up until last August when I found out I was pregnant, all of my information about pregnancy came from the movies. Well, I have a HUGE bone to pick with Hollywood.
1. Pregnant ladies look cute clothed but CRAZY naked.
I'm not sure how Demi Moore and Vanity Fair were able to pull it off. One time I was walking in London and passed by a dude with huge goiter. I get the same feeling of "what the ---" when I glimpse myself in the full length mirror.
2. A baby doesn't kick one cute time.
At least not this baby. He kicks and kicks and kicks. And not when I'm running around doing stuff and not likely to notice. But when I lay down to go to sleep or watch fine cinema (such as Working Girl starring Melanie Griffith) he becomes a karate instructor in the dojo of my uterus. (I sound whiney, but I actually love when he kicks- at least 95% of the time. Although, a heads up would've been nice.)
3. Maternity clothes are only available in one style: cute.
Even places that have awesome regular clothes (i.e. Topshop) think the second the egg is fertilized that all we want to wear are ruffles and bows and "cute" patterns. If someone met me right now they would think I shop at Pottery Barn and watch RomComs all the livelong day. (Full disclosure: I did buy some curtains at Pottery Barn and I do watch RomComs but only on Sunday afternoons on TBS.) Case in point: I'm going to Vegas for a bachelorette party this weekend and they do NOT sell sequin mini dresses at Pea in the Pod.
4. Goat cheese wants to hurt my baby.
Upon getting knocked up, I totally understood that I couldn't accidentally drink a bottle of wine by myself anymore. And I knew that if I were a smoker/IV drug user, that I'd have to lay off that for awhile, too. But goat cheese? Deli meat? Decently cooked steak? And they make it sound even scarier than wine/cigarettes/drugs. Apparently, just one bad contaminated Greek salad could be the end.
5. Not one single person I've talked to has said giving birth is easy.
It's weird. By now, I've asked dozens and dozens of people and no one has mixed things up by saying "Birth? That was easy peasy." I'd really like to chat with the women on the show "I didn't know I was pregnant." They really make pregnancy look like a piece of cake.
That's all I've got for now. I'll follow up with more as they come. (Minus the yucky stuff that you really should only learn from baby books.)
1 comment:
I would like to comment today on the ease of having a baby. I totally recommend a C-Section. When your dear husband was expected, we did not know he was to be a "he" and almost got named Michael! (Gad, that would have been terrible for him.)Emily if he were a "she".
Anyway, the day before Brian was born, we moved into our new house. About 6 in the evening, Tom said, "Go shower and I'll take you to the hospital". We were scheduled for surgery at 7 AM the next morning. (In those days :) you went the night before for surgery.) So I followed instructions, had a nice rest in the hospital and the next thing I knew Tom was telling me that we had a boy!!! Tom immediately went out and bought a baseball glove to put in his nursery bed. Five days later, we went home. Lots of good rest in the hospital! I know it is so different now, and I do wish I could have had a "natural birth"..not just 18 hours of labor pains with Janey before they decided to do a C-section! But I recommend a zipper!
love you...and the anticipation of what is to come.....
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